My darling Belle has Flown

 

Dearest Wu Tao Teachers, Students and Fellow Travellers,

Its exactly 3 weeks today that my darling girl Belle flew away into the skies leaving us behind.  At this time 3 weeks ago we were in intensive care at Princess Margaret Hospital for Children, sitting by her, singing and reading her favourite stories to her while we waited anxiously for her sister Dakota to fly in from London to say goodbye.  What a long 20 hour flight that was for her and us!

Dakota made it in time to help her sister on her way and Belle held on to say good-bye.  This day was indeed the saddest day of my life.  It was also incredibly gentle and beautiful.  Belle left her body surrounded by love and support.  Though it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, we were there to let her go with love and gratitude.  

Her dad Rafael, her Auntie Simone, my darling man Steve and Dakota's sister Aurora were also there.  I write this consumed by grief.  How else can it be so, I miss my baby so much!  So hard to let her go....

But I do also wish to share the incredible amount of miracles and blessings surrounding our precious Belle's journey.  Many of you may know that since Belle first went to hospital in late 2009 that I felt things change and that Belle was preparing to leave then.  For no apparent reason other than a trip to hospital of which we had had many in the past, I felt a shift, a change in trajectory and I was overwhelmed with grief for many months.  Last year she had 2 severe pneumonias and visits to intensive care.  The last trip was especially stressful for me. I had a lot of resistance and fear.  I didn't want to be in the hospital and go through this ever again.  It was very hard for me and I am sure for Belle too.

One day when meditating on Belle at this time, she came and told me she was done here and was preparing to leave.  More grief, more unreality.  What to do with this information? Was I making this up?  

Since that time we have had the most fabulous time.  Almost a year with no illnesses, and heaps of joy, laugher, fun and happiness.  Belle enjoyed the best christmas with her family.  She went surfing for the first time and started high school with a great teacher and new communication device.  We had lots of fun every afternoon with her beautiful carers Amy and Kathrin.  They were her best friends and mine too.  The past year was truly a gift of joy that we will always remember and celebrate.

I went to India as I have done for the past few years and had a great time and a very special healing from a dear friend Richard.  The grief of the past 2 years was taken away with the flow of the divine Mother moving through me.  I knew I would be ok through the immense transition that lay ahead.

However, nothing prepared me for this incredible loss.  The disbelief and the anguish are real.  My mind cannot make sense of it.  I know Belle is doing fine and doesn't need me anymore, but my grief stops me being able to feel her as she is.  I know she is close by and free and happy somewhere. But where?  

What do I do with my empty hands? The hands that loved to feed her? The arms that willingly changed her and attended to her? The mind that tuned into hers and knew what she she needed and how to make her happy?  My mother body, my mother identity is struggling with these things.  

I know that in God's time I will transition through this period.  And I will be better for it.  I know that many good things will flow from this experience.  I will be free to be of service in other ways.  I am so glad I had the job to be Belle's mum.  Reflecting on what she brought to so many, I know she was a bringer of much light and love.  She lifted the vibration of many people in her orbit simply with her presence.  She didn't need to do anything except be.  She had me and her dad to take care of her body vehicle.  

Belle opened up many people's hearts.  She taught compassion, tolerance, patience, joy and love.  She opened people up to what lived within them.  She was a true healer.  I said to many people throughout her life that she was a master teacher.  I believe this to be so.  I don't think she was here to complete karma, though I do know she specifically came to remind her dad of his true nature.  I know I had a contract with her. I would be her mother, and she would hold the space to help me bring in Wu Tao.  Her spirit is way bigger than her body looked.  She is a tall and incredibly beautiful angelic being.

The perfection, the perfect timing, the impeccable guidance of spirit through all our lives is so clear to see right now.  For the first time in 10 years I have time to rest from work and can be fully present to face my grief.  That in itself is a miracle!  I feel surrounded by love and support from my darling family, friends and people everywhere.  On a subtler level, I feel completely taken care of, often bathed in a warm blanket of invisible love and tenderness.

I don't care to hold back my tears with anyone.  They are flowing as I write. Then they dry up only to flow again later. Its a time of firsts and lasts.  Belle's last meal was coco pops!  A special treat.  

I haven't got to my first Wu Tao class yet.  Next week I will start again.  I know Belle will be dancing with me when I do.  

Lyndall Parsons has organised a collective Wu Tao dance for Belle on the 7th August.  Everyone is welcome.  Check out the link on facebook or call your local teacher to find out where you can join in. https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=238413869513423

Belle watching the cricket game at Christmas!

Here is a beautiful link of my girl laughing.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLEDub-OCTE

Thank you all for your prayers, love and support through this difficult time.   I am very grateful for all the cards, flowers, phone calls and emails that you have sent to us.

Much love,

Michelle 

Wu Tao Dance